Weight Of Words Unspoken
by sweetmaria4u
Summary: “Jesus, Bella” I hissed, my own voice betraying me as she straddled me. “You’re making a fool of yourself” I tried to dissuade her, turning my head as she kneeled her face, as if she repulsed me. Her hand jerked my head towards her.“I don’t believe you."
1. Chapter 1: Let Me In

Hey Guys, sorry for those of you who got another email for this, I forgot to put the disclaimer: I don't own Twilight nor its characters and all that good stuff...

**Chapter One – Let Me In**

"Jesus, Bella" I hissed, my own voice betraying me as she straddled me, my fingers itching to just _feel_.

"You're making a fool of yourself" I tried to dissuade her, turning my head away as she kneeled her face down to mine, as if she repulsed me.

Her hand jerked my head towards her, forcing me to face her.

"I don't believe you" She searched my eyes cupping my face in the process, looking for some indication that she was right.

It made me uncomfortable. She always saw through whatever bullshit I gave off to everybody else.

"Edward" she breathed my name and I swear to god the sound alone was enough to get me excited.

"Please, don't push me away" she pleaded, gently leaning her head against my chest, as if to listen to my heartbeat, slipping her arms under my armpits and onto my back. She pressed her arms together so tightly, I don't think I've ever felt safer in my life.

How can I _not_ love her? I sat there, willing my arms still, clenching them to my sides. The only indulgence I would allow myself was to shut my eyes closed and inhale her scent, intoxicating my being.

I let her hold me.

I didn't break the silence because heck this would be the last time I felt her against me and It felt so damn good.

It wasn't long until I felt a moist tugging on my neck. My eyes shifted sideways in its direction. I groaned as she placed soft kisses then parted her lips and sucked on the flesh; she was playing dirty. She knew what it did to me.

Not sure how much longer my resolve would last before I tore her clothes off, my right hand fisted the back of her head, stopping her movements as she reached her face up to look at me, assessing me. My head inched minimally backwards, the only distance my self-control could muster.

Her hand moves through my hair, pulling back lose strands. It makes its way to my cheek in a caress, always, _always_ tender. I feel so naked, no longer able to hide my desire behind my bangs.

She smiles breathing in, her forehead against mine. "See, how can you look at me like that and tell me you don't want me?" Her eyes wander shyly to my lips, contemplating something, then shift back up to me, determination setting in, her hands firmly on either sides of my face. "Please don't push me away, Edward. I know you don't mean it. I can _feel_ –" she hisses as she bucks her pelvis against my erection. "Whatever it is – " she starts anew after catching a breath.

She leans in and licks the side of my lips. Was I drooling?

I was paralysed. Why couldn't I speak?

"Let me in" she whispers in my ear.

Again, she licks my lips, attending to the other ear, when she was through teasing it. "I'll love you till the day I die." At that, she looked me square in the eye and it did me in. My finger trailed a tear down her cheek, contemplating my next move. How could I deny her?

Begrudgingly, I crushed her to me. Tasting her sweet lips. I'd always joked she was my personal brand of heroin. I'd never been more aware of it than now. Her hands plunge around my neck and play with my hair and it sends shivers down my spine. God, I could swallow her whole.

My tongue explores every inch of her mouth and battles for access when she pulls away, my teeth tugging her bottom lip.

She smiles at me that angelic smile she has, and lifts the hem of her shirt slowly, pulling it over her head, and dropping it to the floor. Heck, it seemed I threw caution out the window long ago so I bury my head in her chest sucking on every inch of exposed skin. Again, I kept telling myself, _If only for one last time_.

She pushes me back, growing impatient at the layers of clothes between us. I never once take my eyes off her as she pulls at my jacket and slides it down my arms, biting her lip in the process until her eyes turn curious at an object in my front pocket.

`What`s this?" I follow her gaze to a folded paper.

I feel like I've been splashed with a bucket of ice cold water.

She reaches for it but I stand abruptly, pushing her off me, and she falls to the floor.

I've never been so aggressive with her. Her eyes narrow, like she doesn't recognize me, and my facade comes back up again.

Back to reality.

"Edward?" there's a plea in her voice and I ignore it because if I let myself care, she'll see right through me.

I needed to stand my ground firmly.

I turn my back to her. "This changes nothing. We're done" I practically spit out, bile collecting in my throat.

She stands up and runs in front of me. "Edward, please-" she was begging.

"What did I do? Did I do something? What changed? What happened – does it have to do with this letter?"

I feel like a bastard for what I'm about to tell her. "Nothing's changed. Life happened." I condescended.

I could see her fighting the tears. "What does that mean? Edward, I told you, I know something's been bothering you for the last week, but I promise you" she leaned into me, showing me the sincerity of her words "as long as we love each other, we can face anything. Together."

"Christ, Bella"

"One minute we're about to make love and the next, you close off"

"Well, how did you expect me to react? You seduced me. I am a man, I never said I wasn't attracted to you."

She left me no other choice.

"We've been dating since sophomore year, you're suffocating me! We're a month away from graduation and I just need my freedom." Her mouth gaped open and I could see the horror in her eyes. "To see other girls; sow my oats, if you will" I added, twisting the knife in further, grinning like a jerk for effect.

"Edward – " she chokes my name as her eyes well up even more than before.

I could tell she was not fully satisfied with my reason so I cut her off before she probed me further.

I knew her Achilles heal and shamefully, I aimed bellow the belt.

"You just don't bring me the same excitement as you used to, sweetheart."

She stared at me for what seemed like an eternity.

I could hear her heart breaking into a million tiny pieces as she bolts out of my room, bumping into my desk on her way out, the incident making her turn towards me one last time, and I do the one thing i'm sure will make her run the other way.

I wink at her.

The minute my door slams shut, I run to the bathroom as my body attacks me, my lunch coming up into the sink. I feel my own tears trickling down and I look up at my reflection in the mirror.

I transfer all my fury to my fist and yell as I slam it into the mirror, glass penetrating through my skin.

I've never felt pure hatred like I do now.

I wanted to die.

**AN: Hey everyone! Thanks so much for reading! I have to say, Twilight has completely taken over my life, its not even funny. Its like I spend every free second I have reading Bedward fanfiction. I started getting all these ideas so I'm putting pen to paper so to speak and ta-da! please please please tell me what you think so far?? There are lots of twists and turns to come. This story is AU. It does not pick up in New Moon. This story is all human. Things to look forward to: Edward is going to become a complete ass to make Bella hate him. But what happens when she turns the tables and decides that two can play that game? And why did he break up with her in the first place?? I'd really love to hear your thoughts, and If i know that people actually like this story, it'll definitely motivate me to write more and faster. ******


	2. Chapter 2: Did You Mean It?

**AN:****Hey Guys! WOW, first of all, I just want to say a sincere thank you so much to all of you who reviewed!! It seriously makes my day! I love all the feedback you guys have been leaving, it feels amazing! please keep it up. There's no better motivator to update than that! Also, I'm sorry for the wait, i've been struggling with this chapter a bit. **

**Chapter Two : Did You Mean It?**

I still can't believe it. Three days and four nights obsessing, replaying our break-up over and over in my head and I still can't wrap my head around it. My mind won't let me grasp it. And yet, I can't stop the tears from falling, which they have been since it happened.

I'd never seen that side of him. Up until then I could have bet my life on the fact that it simply didn't exist.

_You just don't bring me the same excitement as you used to sweetheart._

God, what a joke. Was I really that blind and stupid to have missed this huge part of his personality?

How could he have been such a jackass?

I never felt like I deserved him. I never thought that I was good enough to be with him in the first place but he always got so pissed when he got the slightest hint of how I felt, holding me close and daring me to look in his eyes; they honest-to-goodness just bore through me.

He'd melt me with every kiss, get me weak in the knees with a simple smile.

What gets me the most is that he _made_ me believe it. And I don't know, at the time, it didn't feel like he was feeding me a line. There was a conviction when he spoke that made it impossible for me _not _to believe him.

The way he swore it was the other way around and actually sounded like he believed it; it made me love him that much more.

How can he use my insecurities against me when he knows how much and how _long_ I've struggled with them? Of all the ways he could have ended things...he didn't even try to let me down easy. It's like he was deliberately trying to hurt me.

It doesn't make sense. It's not him, this isn't like him! I don't get it...

I groan, frustrated that another cycle of tears has sprung until I give in and let it take over me.

BXEBXEBXEBXEBXE

I can't keep hiding forever. I have to face reality eventually. I know that.

Life goes on, right?

I stare at the big, wooden door in front of me, trying to build up the courage to twist that knob and walk in to biology.

I close my eyes and contemplate running back home and into the comfort of my bed and even turn to walk away but the door opens and it seems I no longer have the option to choose.

"Miss Swan, care to join us? Or would you prefer pacing outside some more?"

I felt like a deer caught in headlights.

Blood rushes to my cheeks as Mr. Delaney calls me out but I somehow manage to make up some lame excuse about the door being locked from the outside and me not wanting to disrupt the class.

I don't wait to read his expression but head straight to my seat, avoiding all eye contact.

Then a scent invades my senses and I curse myself for being a creature of routine and heading straight to my poison.

I can't help but inhale deeply and take him in.

After all, I hadn't gone a single day without seeing him in the last two years. Now it had been four.

My treacherous body feels a tinge of pleasure, I could feel every cell of my being rejuvenating like it was finally granted the fix it desperately craved; an involuntary reaction.

I should hate him. Why can't I hate him?

Why can't I even resist the compulsion to look at him to see if he's looking at me? To see If my presence has moved him in any way at all?

I wish I could. At least then I wouldn't feel so pathetic and irrelevant when he doesn't even look up at me.

His features seem so hard and for the second time in five minutes I feel myself turn crimson when he forms a frown and catches me staring from the corner of his eyes.

Then, the door to the class opens again and prompts the teacher to stop his lesson.

"Five minute break, class" he announces, walking towards the intruders.

I was glad for the interruption. I haven't taken my eyes off of Edward.

I breathe in, deeply.

"Hi" the word eventually slips out, tentatively.

He doesn't even bat an eyelash.

I'm not used to this side of him. So cold and uncaring. "You're not talking to me now?"

He puts down his pencil and slowly turns to face me. I shy away when I hear him try to hide a gasp.

I forgot how terrible I look.

His eyes narrow as he lifts his hand. I could've sworn he brought it up close to my face, studying it, but then he strokes it through his own messy hair.

He didn't look like he'd gotten much sleep either.

The thought makes me cringe, not wanting to think about the fact that his newfound freedom could have something to do with it.

He finally says an indifferent "hey" and turns his focus back to his notebook.

I can't help but scoff.

"That's it?"

He turns back to look at me. "Well, how do you do?" he rebuts sarcastically, smug.

This isn't my Edward. "Why are you being like this?"

"Like what, exactly?"

"Cold. Distant"

He actually laughs at me. "That's what usually happens when two people break up, Bella. They grow apart."

I can't help but scoff again. "Grow apart? Do you remember what you said to me last Monday?" I asked incredulously. He couldn't be serious.

I can tell he remembers from the way he refuses to look me in the eye and looks across the room uncomfortably.

His eyes divert everywhere but to mine. I wasn't going to have any of it though.

I grip my hands around his bicep to turn him around, and it seems to do the trick because he looks at our connected limbs then back up at me intensely.

_Flashback_

"_Edward" I sigh relieved, finally finding him in our meadow, on the floor, holding his knees to his chest. "You had us all worried sick" I throw my arms around him and move them in soft caresses around his back. _

_I pull back a bit to face him. His eyes were dark and red. "Hey" I said, looking at him quizzically _

_He doesn't answer, but I could tell he was fighting the saline from his eyes. _

"_Hey" I try to comfort him, stroking his hair. "She'll be ok. The doctor says she'll make a full recovery." He locks his eyes on mine and I can see a myriad of emotions there and my heart breaks for him. _

"_I know it can't be easy seeing Esme like that; bruised and lying in that hospital bed... Are you thinking about the other driver?"_

_I Knew I was on the right track when I felt him clench his fists and tensen in front of me._

"_Charlie's got his best team investigating the hit-and-run. I promise they will find him and he _will_ pay."_

"_I'll kill him" he fumes. After a minute he starts to repeat it, over and over again as if he were in a daze, rocking himself back and forth. _

_I stare at him, waiting for him to speak again, knowing he would when he was ready._

_Finally he looks up at me and what he said next caught me off guard. "It's happening again." _

_I felt a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach at the tremble in his voice. Edward wasn't scared of anything._

"_What is?" _

_He wipes away at the tears staining his cheeks. He sighs then takes a deep breath before answering._

"_Did I ever tell you about my biological parents?" I shake my head. "N-No. Tell me about them."_

_In all the years I've known him, he never brought them up. I never mentioned them before because I figured it was a touchy topic. I didn't want him to be reminded of his pain. All I knew was that he was made an orphan when he was 11. _

"_They were incredible people. My father was a composer." He paused, chuckling lowly.  
"He used to call me his prodigy. He taught me everything he knew about playing the piano."_

"_Wow. I didn't know you played... What about your mother?"_

"_She was a violinist. They fell in love through their music. My father said it was love at first sight for him but my mother claims she couldn't stand him. Apparently he was a 'womanizer'." He smiled at the memory. "Anyway, my dad was persistent and it seemed like the more my mother rejected him, the more motivated he became to compose. And it was all for her. Eventually, she fell in love with him too. She said she realised that someone who could write beautiful music with such deep emotion must have a beautiful heart too."_

_It made me feel warm inside. "I wish I could have met them"_

_He brushed my bangs behind my ear. "They would have loved you."_

_I could see the warmth of the memories vanish abruptly and be replaced by a blank expression as he looks straight ahead._

"_They were killed in a car accident."  
_

_My eyes widened and a small gasp escaped my throat. The severity of the situation finally sunk in. The hit-and-run with Esme struck too close to home. _

_I wrapped my arms around him again and held on tight. "I'm so sorry Edward." _

_He buried his head in my chest and I felt his arms tighten around my back, his body starting to shake. My own eyes were starting to moisten for him. I've never seem him so...broken. _

"_Nothing's going to happen to Esme, Edward. She's ok. She's going to be all right."_

_He backs away from me and there's fear in his eyes that I've never seen before. "But what if she wasn't? She could have easily been killed Bella –"_

"_But she wasn't. She's safe. Don't even think like that, ok?" I stroke his cheeks soothingly.  
_

_He shakes his head. "People always leave. My parents, my brother –"_

"_Wait, what?" My brows furrow, confused. "What brother?" _

"_I wasn't an only child" he reveals. "I have – heh – well, had a brother. His name was James. He was three years older than me._

"_What happened?" _

"_I don't have a clue. Last time I saw him was at my parents' funeral. After that, child services took me away and – I've never seen or heard from him since." _

"_Oh my god." Not only did he lose his parents but he lost his brother too, when they needed each other the most. _

"_I used to wonder why he never came for me. I mean we weren't close, we'd fight about everything but he was still my older brother."  
_

_My hands find his face and cups it while my eyes search his. I want to ask him more about his brother but his hands mimic mine and find their way to my cheeks and his features soften. _

"_What if something happened to you?" he whispers, ashamed. "I would die" he said as tears glistened his face again. _

"_Babe, I'm not going anywhere." I pulled his face closer to mine. "You're stuck with me."_

"_Promise me" he pleaded. "Don't ever leave me" His voice was hoarse and his eyes were unmistakably vulnerable._

"_Never." I whisper back. _

"_I mean it, Bella. Please. Don't ever do anything reckless that could take you away from me. I need you so much" his voice cracked at the end._

"_I'm right here" I reassured him._

"_You are my world, you know that?" I nod, shyly. Normally, that would make me blush but it made my heart feel so full, I had to remember how to breath._

"_God I love you so much"_

_His lips leaned into mine and this kiss wasn't tender like the others; there was an urgency behind it, a hunger that made me never want to stop. I could taste his tears through our kiss so I kissed their trail on his cheeks. He groaned when I licked his upper lip. It wasn't long before he closed his eyes and I could feel him give into me in a way that he never allowed himself to before. He was always respectful of my boundaries and never pushed for more. I could feel the change in him. And I liked it. _

_My hands ran down his chest then up to the collar of his shirt and after a minute of contemplation I unbuttoned the first three buttons. His hands left my waist and found mine and stopped my movements as he pulled away from our kiss. _

"_Bella" he hissed my name and leaned his forehead against mine. I've never felt more desirable in my life._

_I knew he wanted to stop me because he thought I wasn't ready but that gesture alone made me more sure than ever. _

"_I want to. I love you"  
_

_I bit his upper lip before pulling away again, looking him dead in the eyes. "Make love to me" _

_End of Flashback_

I know he was reliving it like I was. I waited for him to make the first move.

He brought his hand up to my neck, fisting it like he would a cup, I could tell he was having an inner battle. I felt a light pressure pulling me towards him but just as soon as it came it pushed me back and his hand fell to his side like it had been burned.

The walls that I thought has come down where immediately back up.

"Things change. Feelings change." He finally spoke. It felt more like a request though than a statement, as if he were warning me not to push it.

But I don't buy it.

"Edward – "

"Look, I never meant to hurt you, ok?" He interrupts me frustrated, and I can sense some truth in that but I know there's more to it than he's let on.

"Liar!"

That catches him off guard. "What?" he asks.

"I know you're not a cruel person, Edward. So how could you say those things to me the other night? One minute you can't bear the thought of losing me and the next I'm nothing to you? Explain that to me."

He stands immobile, refusing to answer me. So I do the only thing I can do; I push.

"Those exact words – It's like you were _trying_ to hurt me... Is that what you were doing?"

I raise my shoulders at him and hang my head to the side, probing him.

Then silence.

"Please Edward" I sigh. "Just be honest with me"

I sit up straighter in my seat. "What's really going on?"

"..."

Then I ask the million dollar question. "Tell me...Did you mean it?"

BXEBXEBXEBXEBXE

**AN: Hey again. Ehm so I've been struggling with this chapter a bit...I changed it up about a million times, I hope its not a letdown. Anyway, let me know what you thought and if you have any requests for things to see in later chapters! The good news is, now I have a better idea of where to take the story...as long as i know that u guys want to read more that is **** I'm hoping to get the next chapter out in a couple of days! :)  
**

**Please review!!!**

**Teaser: Will Bella get through to Edward? Or will Edward get through to Bella??**


	3. Chapter 3: Nobody

**Disclaimer:** The characters do not belong to me but to the lovely Stephanie Myer. I wish I owned R-Patz though :)

**Chapter Three : Nobody**

**EPOV**

I couldn't stop biting my nails. I'd picked up the habit in the last couple of days, anticipating her return to school, I guess. I hadn't seen her since that dreadful night. She hadn't shown the next day, nor the day after that.

Today was the third day.

To say that I was anxious was an understatement. My thoughts were driving me insane. I'd swore I'd never cause her pain. But I've come to realise that there is such a thing as necessary evils.

I just need to see her face.

I've tried all I could think of. I've camped out outside her house, hoping to catch a glimpse of her but she never came out. Heck, I never even saw the light on in her room. It's as if she's hibernated herself there.

I'm not proud of it but I even hacked into Alice's IM account.

Still nothing. I know she hasn't told her yet because Alice would have given me hell for it by now.

Fuck, my leg is starting to act up now as I wait for biology class to start. I bet I look like ass, god knows I smell like it too.

It's twenty after. She's not coming.

I bury my head in my book. Pretending to keep up. God, how much longer are you going to punish me like this? Please, please, please. I need to know she's okay. _Please_. I run my hands through my hair.

"Well, well, how kind of you to finally join us" the teacher starts on a tardy student.

I didn't even hear the door creak open.

"Sorry" I hear them mumble in a soft reply as they hand him a note.

My eyes shoot open as if I'd been awakened. I'd know that voice anywhere.

My heart starts to pump at an unnatural speed. It feels like its going to burst out of my chest.

Someone just sat down beside me. I don't need to look up. I know it's her. She came.

She's here.

It takes every ounce of self-control in my being to keep from turning towards her, hold her tight and never let go.

I sense her looking and I know she feels my eyes on her because she does that thing she does with her hair when she's nervous, hiding her face from me. The teacher announces a break and she actually speaks to me. I didn't think she would after the things I said to her.

I try to ignore her but she remains persistent, trying again to talk to me.

I can't help the movements my head make towards her and what I see cuts me to my core.

I finally saw what she was trying to hide. Her eyes red and puffy, dark circles shadowing them.

I let out an involuntary sound as I take her appearance in.

She looks about as dreadful as I do. And yet, to me, she's still a sight for sore eyes. My nails dug so deep into the back of my chair I felt blood trickling down my fingers. I did this to her.

She raises her shoulders at me and hangs her head to the side, her eyes glazing, probing me for an answer but all I want to do is reach my hand to her cheek and stroke her face. And I almost do, until I snap myself out of the trance that I all too willingly would like to give in to.

I'm a worthless piece of garbage.

"I never meant to hurt you." My features soften as I speak and I know she can sense the pain I feel because her brows furrow together, clearly confused but it's not long before it's replaced by anger again.

"Liar"

That caught me off guard. "What?"

"I know you're not a cruel person, Edward. So how could you say those things to me the other night?" I stand immobile, taken aback, not expecting that reaction.

"Those exact words – It's like you were _trying_ to hurt me." Thump. Thump. Thump.

"Is that what you were doing?"

I can't find my voice. I can't even formulate a coherent thought. Speak, damn it!

"Uh...m, n-no. " I clear my throat, cursing myself for sounding so tousled. I can't give her false hope, damn it! She can never know...

"Tell me, did you mean it?"

I can't give life to this. If I'm to make her believe me, I better put on the act of my life.

I'm sorry, my love.

EXBEXBEXBEXBEXB

**BPOV**

I'm sick of all the lies. I just want him to tell me the truth. I know I'm pitiable for not letting go, but what would you do? This is the love of my life, I can't just give up on him without a fight, especially when every instinct in my body is screaming that there's something not right.

Maybe I'm just being weak or in denial. I hope it's neither.

"Did you mean it?" I repeat again as he stares uninterestedly back at me.

"I heard you the first time" he snaps annoyed.

"Then answer me."

"How many times are we going to do this? Didn't I make myself pretty damn clear already?"

"No" I admitted, vulnerable. "I'm confused." Maybe I'm a glutton for punishment.

"We're in high school Bella, what did you expect?" He articulates every last word slow and loud for effect, as if I'm cognitively impaired.

"Did you expect us to run off into the sunset together and live happily ever after?" He continues mockingly.

"Don't." I warned. How can he belittle me like that? "I'm not naive but I'm not stupid either." I search his eyes to see if there's a hint of the man I love in there somewhere. "It just seems to me like you're trying too hard to get me to give up on you."

I don't know how much more of this I can take. I'm scared that if he keeps it up, he might just get his wish.

He looks at me bewildered and throws his arms in the air. "Look, we had a good run of it for two years. Time to let go."

What if I am in denial?

"Just like that?" He makes it sound so simple. Like he could just turn off his feelings for me with the flick of a switch.

"Yep. It's that easy." Not even a hint of uncertainty.

No. No. No. I shake my head. This isn't how it's supposed to go. If this is some big cosmic joke then it's really not funny. You got me, please, I can't lose him. He's supposed to tell me he suffered from temporary insanity and that he can't live without me and beg me to take him back. Or that some crazy evil force possessed him and made him do it. He's not supposed to keep breaking my heart and not give a damn.

"You don't even want to stay friends?"

"I don't see what would be the point. So that we can be awkward and tiptoe around each other? No thanks."

"Just tell me one thing; what about last week—" I feel so redundant just asking that, as if it's going to be the miraculous cure to his newfound personality.

"What_ about_ last week?" I can hear the aggravation in his tone but it feeds mine that much more.

"You _know _what. We made love. We weren't just two horny teenagers getting it on –" Despite what he says, I still believe that, wholeheartedly.

"Speak for yourself" he interrupts, smug, as if he just made a big revelation.

I shake my head. "You _said_-" I try to remind him.

"Yes, I remember perfectly what I said, Bella." He cuts me off. He breaths in deeply and runs his hand through his chin than through his mouth forcefully. "God, if I knew that what happened would turn you into this clingy shell of a person" he chuckles bewildered, "then I never –" my eyes automatically began to tear at the venom behind his words.

How could he be so cruel?

He knows he's hurting me because his tone softens but every word he speaks still feels like a stab in the chest. "Look, I'll break it down for you. It's pretty simple. I'm a guy-"

This time I interject. "So, you're telling me that you were just saying it to get me to sleep with you?" I finish for him.

"I did give two years of my life to this relationship – It was only fair I get something out of it."

I don't know what comes over me but my hand reflexively moves to land on his face but he grabs my wrist in time and holds it forcefully in front of us.

"I always loved that you are feisty. Sure kept things interesting in bed." He grins, proud at the jab.

I was truly disgusted. "Listen to yourself...This isn't you."

That seems to tick him off because he suddenly starts to snap. "You keep saying that as if it's supposed to mean something! This isn't me? Says who? Says _you?" _He brings his hands up to his temples, rubbing them. "I'm so _sick_ of acting like you and Esme and Carlisle, Alice – everybody else – how you expect me to be. 'Edward, you have to get into med school'" he mimicks my voice naggingly. "Or 'Edward you have to do well on this test', or 'Edward stop screwing around.' Do you know It kept eating away at me everyday? You all make me feel like this big screw-up. Whenever I do something that I actually enjoy I always end up feeling like shit for being a disappointment to you. It's nauseating, I can't do it anymore."

"Edward" my heart sank, taken aback by how he truly felt. "I'm sorry. I never meant to put any kind of pressure on you--"

"Well, you did. Do you have any idea what its like to constantly have that sickening feeling in the pit of your stomach?"

I was at a loss for words. I don't know what to say.

I look down at my hands for a moment, gathering my thoughts and whisper lowly to him. "Edward, I only said those things because I know how much becoming a doctor like Carlisle means to you. I only wanted those things because _you_ wanted them."

He scoffs dryly, leaning down closer to me. "Do you know I loathe it now?"

"Like you loathe me?" I choke out, looking up to face him. He doesn't answer.

"So, you honestly never loved me?" Why did I keep torturing myself like this? I'm practically begging him to crush me.

He grows solemn and shrugs his head. "What do I know about love, Bella? We're just a couple of kids. Whatever it was... it's not the same for me anymore" His voice was sombre.

"Right, cause I make you want to vomit." I laughed bitterly.

He doesn't bother denying it. At least I should be glad I was sitting down. Thank god for small favours, or my knees would have given in a long time ago.

"How long have you been feeling this way?" I couldn't help asking.

"A while."

"Heh. And last week? What was that?" Yes, we're back to that.

"Habit? What can I say? You do something long enough and it gets easy to fake it. But in all fairness, I was patient for two whole years of your handholding and barely satisfying kisses. Anyone else would have given up long ago. I think I deserve a medal." he added thoughtfully, his lip twisted up at the side.

I was horrified. I was just a challenge to him.

I bit my lip so hard I thought it might bleed to keep my mouth from gaping. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction.

He didn't leave it at that. No, god forbid. He had to twist the knife further in. "But I'm not going to hide what I think or how I feel anymore. I'm going to stop pretending. Get used to it." He grabs a hold of my chin and pulls my face close all the while a sadistic smirk on his face.

"Oh and just so you know" he leans closer to me to whisper in my ear. "You were fantastic. _Almost_ worth the wait" he taunts and then he winks at me.

That was it for me. This time, my hand makes full contact with his face.

"Screw you." I spew out at him full of contempt.

"You already did." I couldn't fight the tears anymore, especially when he revelled in hurting me. "What happened to you?" I ask silently as I jump out of my seat and rush out the class, not caring when the teacher calls after me. I could tell we had gained the class's attention by now as I heard bits and pieces of "oh my god" and "did she just slap him?" as I made my way out.

"All right, class. Settle down. Break's over" Mr. Delaney clears his throat and waits for everyone to return to their seats.

**EPOV**

My feet reflexively move to run after her but I hold on to the desk for dear life and sink my fingers in the wood to keep me firmly in place.

I stuff my fist in my mouth furious, biting down hard to keep from calling out to her. I don't even care when I taste the bitter salt-like crimson on my tongue.

My foot makes contact with something hard and it's only when I hear an "ow" in front of me that I realise I kicked their chair so hard it almost carved a whole.

What possessed me to be so vile to her?!

I'm appalled at the cruelty I'm capable of. The words that came out of my mouth -- I can't believe I let her believe I _hated_ her!

I only hate myself.

When I found her searching my eyes for answers and saw her eyes moisten, I felt my resolve weakening, wanting nothing more than to throw myself at her feet and profess my undying, eternal love for her.

But it had to be done. I had to say it. If I hadn't, she would have known better and I don't think I would have been strong enough to fight her any longer. And the thought of her hurt or worse as a result of my weakness was enough to send me over the edge.

I won't let anything happen to her. It's the only way. I have to remember that.

"Settle down class. Everyone to their seats, come on..." Mr. Delaney calls out. "All right now. Class, say hello to Victoria. She's a new student here at Forks High, please make her feel welcome."

My eyes diverted to the door and I could have sworn I saw her lurking there still. That's when I realised she had run out in such a fury she left her books and bag behind. She must have been back for them.

I pretended not to see her and looked to the front of the class.

"Now I know everyone is all paired up with a lab partner but since its already halfway through the semester, is anyone willing to change groups and –"

Before he could finish his sentence, I shoot my arm up, making sure that Bella witnesses this.

"Yes, Edward?"

"I'll be her lab partner. Bella's already ahead of the game so she'll be fine. I'll be more than glad to help Victoria catch up." I know she didn't miss a beat. I saw her do a double-take, hurting all over again for the second time in the span of five minutes.

I saw the new girl, Victoria's lips curl up in a smile at my offer and I forced myself to return it.

Mr. Delaney looks back and forth between the two of us and when he hears no objection from her, he agrees. "All right, that'll be fine. Please take your seat next to Edward for now since Bella's MIA. We'll figure out a new seating arrangement next class."

Bella shakes her head as Victoria takes her seat next to me. I introduce myself to her and keep a flirtatious grin as she speaks. I ask her where she's from along with more questions about herself but I honestly don't register a word she's saying because I can still feel her eyes on us.

She finally walks over, standing behind Victoria yet never looking up at me as she takes her books and places them in her bag. Victoria notices my gaze shifting and notices Bella. "Oh who's this." she asks nicely.

I place an arm around her shoulders and answer uninterestedly, turning her back to face me. "Oh, nobody. You were saying?"

At that, Bella slowly looks up at me, covers her mouth with her lips and turns away.

She was utterly broken.

I hang my head in shame.

Forgive me, Bella.

EXBEXBEXBEXBEXBEXBEXBEXB

**AN: ****Hey again! Just wanted to address a few things. First, a deep heartfelt thank you to everyone who has taken the time to review this story and who have added it onto their alerts. You're the reason I keep writing, so please don't stop!**

**Second, someone mentioned that they were annoyed that they kept getting 4 alerts for this chapter...the thing is, I was disappointed in the lack of reviews for this chapter. I mean, I have 100 of you who put this story on alert but I barely had 10 reviews (when chapter one had 31)! I hope you can see that that's not exactly motivating. I was starting to think that this story isn't worth continuing. I can promise you I have lots of ideas and twists and turns planned for this story and I really enjoy writing it but please do your part and write me a quick review! It honestly makes a huge difference. **

**I know that this chapter was a little slow, but it was just setting up the stage for what's to come and I wanted to get Bella believing Edward out of the way. Next chapter will jump more into the plot and there will be more action.**

**I'll tell you what, the more reviews i get, the faster you get an update. Plus you can tell me what you want to see happen and I will add it in! Let me know if you want a lemon :P **

**If i get 25 reviews or less, I probably won't update for another week and a half because I have assignments and midterms. **

**35 reviews I update by next saturday.**

**45 reviews I update by Friday the 13****th****. **

**Any more than that and I can guarantee you will get it way before then and I will make this story my number one priority! Again please understand, it may seem greedy but I'm taking the time to write this and am completely ignoring my midterm that i have on Tuesday so that I can get this out to you so I would really appreciate it if you reviewed. Thanks ******** And sorry for the longass AN. **

******Spoilers: ** Bella meets a new guy. Exploring Edward and Victoria. Maybe some Alice?


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